We believe we get rejected by others. In fact people don’t reject any person, they reject a behavior that triggers some their fear connected with their weakness. And even more exactly, they intuitively say “no” to the intention behind that acting that they perceive as stemming from the ego’s perspective of “I”, not from the Love’s perspective of “we”.
In other words, we get rejected when someone recognizes that his or her feelings are overridden. The more Love is in that person, the more precisely they can point the trigger as someone’s fear; consequently, they reject someone’s way of thinking, not even their behavior, and much less the whole human being.
It is like rejecting people because of their clothes – if we let our fear reply, we follow our prejudices and we reject people “dressed like this” like it was an unchangeable thing. In fact we assume that their look expresses a specific way of thinking and this is what we really find threatening.
Sometimes we try to force others to change the behavior or the look, believing that what is outside can change what is inside. In fact until the person faces his or her fears and changes the assumptions ruling the thinking, their behavior or look cannot change truly and for good.
Those who can’t recognize that Love is a constant human attribute and fear is a temporary way of thinking tend to reject everyone as a threatening one, staying more and more alone since there is no one free from fear in this world. Those who distinguish what is the source and what is the symptom say “no” to the fear, not to the person, empowering Love in self and others.
The part of ourselves that was wounded once makes us feel worse and makes us believe other people must be perfect on this field. Fear makes us imagine that others have something that is beyond our reach and this is the reason they can be loved – opposite to us who don’t deserve it. We have many false pictures in the head that block our attempts to verify truth, and without trying we don’t have an experience – and without experience the gap between our assumptions and the truth keeps growing, making us stuck where we are.
The picture says Love means staring at a beautiful photo and dying from longing. The true Love means keeping working on enjoying someone’s presence independently from their morning look, their bad mood, their health problems, or their annoying habits.
The picture says Love means holding hands and watching a sunset together. The true Love means giving hand to each other in difficult circumstances when the other person becomes powerless, faces their demons and follows their fears.
The picture says Love means jumping into a fire after someone we love. The true Love means being firm in saying ‘no’ to protect the other person from harm.
The picture says Love means having beautiful and trublefree sex non stop. The true Love means compromising to make our wants meet the needs of the other person, means facing physiology, respecting the rights of biology and making responsible decisions together.
The picture says Love means adoring each other and whispering sweet words. The true Love means respecting each other and saying the truth, sharing all the feelings, also those negative ones, to make the relationship deeper, closer, richer, special.
The picture says Love means making promises, saying big words and troths. The true Love means not acting on emotions and caring of every word to be honest not to hurt the other person.
The picture says Love means bringing gifts and spending time in unique circumstances. The true Love means wanting to be together independently from circumstances, means staying together in the heart even being apart physically.
The picture says Love means perfectly fulfilling all of the other person’s expectations. The true Love means letting the other person in our inner world to understand each other better, to share intimacy to become special to each other.
The picture says Love means having a soul mate that completes you and makes you blind for the rest of the world. The true Love means fighting with own weaknesses not to hurt the other person, means watching own wants, priorities and choices every day, hour and minute of care about the other person’s feelings.
The picture says Love means effortless and endless pleasure. The true Love means the biggest effort we have ever made in the life for becoming this Love.
Yet the picture doesn’t have power to create the true Love in the relationship that would make us constantly happy – the pictures bring us wonderful moments that end soon and leave us feeling powerless and miserable. The true Love makes us feel happy and causes the pictures as a side effect.
Seeking the one who will match the picture, we create illusion. People who are good at what we are weak at are not flawless and perfect in fact, they just learned to love this part of self as it is, they don’t fear to enjoy it in its real shape, with its lights and shadows; instead fearful denying its human quality, they use it to make more of it, to break its limits. And this is what we are meant to learn from them, as we are messangers to each other.
Staying faithful and truthful to self we not always reach our goals, but our attitude changes everything we meet on our way.
Originally posted on Zen Flash:
Training is needed in order to love properly; and to be able to give happiness and joy, you must practice DEEP LOOKING directed toward the other person you love. Because if you…
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