Why do we love Christmas, Birthday and all the other special days marked in the calendar?
The answer may turn out to be surprising.
We love them, because it is almost guranteed that others will try to make us happy with presents and gifts, with celebrating and keeping the mood, right? Or because we can prove clearly to ourselves and others that we are good sons, daughters, wives, husbands, mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers? How many times we do that of our own will, without a must enforced by a date in the calendar? The more we crave the special days with proofs that others love us, care and remember – or that we remember them – the less we feel their love, care and memory every workday. We often try to justify it with everyday rush, with being busy with a hundred things, with working hard and being short on time. Yet nothing outside us makes our priorities, it is we ourselves. We decide how much care and love we show others every single day, how much they feel appreciated, loved, important and special to us – so how much they long for the special days to get anything from us. And we decide who they are – one chosen person, the closest family, the extended family, the friends, strangers? The truth is that those who feel loved, don’t have to crave special pictures, don’t have to keep a calendar for it. Those who have strong, bright and warming fire of the self-Love everyday, don’t long for holiday fireworks that are imposed crumbs of others’ Love – the fireworks are the dream of those who live in darkness. Isn’t it actually sad that we call Christmas the most beautiful time in a year just because we start to think about others, because we start to notice our families and also see homeless and poor, because we simply start to give – isn’t is scary that something natural works only on limited days and we become so proud of that; and that we need a special impulse and mood for giving and we glorify it as something unique?
Why are we used to treating Love as something extraordinary and very limited, for special occassions only? Why do we learn that special occassional gestures are basic for our and others’ happiness? Why do we agree for Love visiting us only few times in a year, from time to time, when the calendar says it is the time to do and expect it?
The answer may turn out to be surprising.
We expect what we believe we deserve. Moreover, we give what we believe we deserve, getting back the same. If we believed we were hens, we would want what is good for a hen, but it wouldn’t make us feel happy. The lacks in our self-Love make us fear that we want too much; in fact we settle for too little to feel happy as the Love we really are. To be the Love – to make Love the constant common state of mind, heart and soul, not a seasonal emotional outburst, we need to believe we are Love and simply live this Truth every day, to everyone. Then Christmas will be lasting all year, every day will be a Birthday and every relationship will be neverending falling in love. Impossible? Sure, if we believe so. And totally possible, if we believe so.
Everyone is born as an equal part of Love, no matter how much we learn to doubt it later. We never lose the ability to be the Love, but just like our every other ability it gets supported or repressed by the conditioning unconsciously given to us by people we live with. The doubt in Love makes us see weaknesses and imperfections within ourselves that we want to hide from fear, to avoid rejection – we want to control Love, to make it work on our own terms. This way we falsify the Truth that is the Siamese sister of Love.
Everyone has access to the Truth in a natural way, but sometimes we learn to use and keep it – of faith, and sometimes not – of fear. When we believe that others wouldn’t accept us with our weaknesses and imperfections, we learn to lie, pretend and play games – we learn to replace the Truth with an image or scenario that our fear prompts us as the better, more acceptable. When we stand for ourselves, fighting with doubts within the self-Love, we make the Truth our priority, we risk the loss of Love for it. Yet we can’t lose true Love because of Truth as they live together, it is our fear that creates that false belief. We lose Love when we don’t trust it enough to make Truth our priority – rejecting Truth, we reject Love.
Everyone of us is a mix of Love and fear, of Truth and untruth. What hurts the most is not even the untruth itself – who is able to separate it, becomes able to cope with it; what hurts the most is when we don’t separate what is true and what is untrue, when we intentionally use the Truth to cover the untruth which we believe is our nature – because then we take others to heaven and to hell alternately, we trigger their hope and despair in turn, we mix dreams with nightmares, light with darkness. Truth attracts others with a great power, and then the untruth kills that Truth, making all involved suffer – when there is no way to separate one from the other, the only solution is to reject everything. This way the instrument that our fear gave us to protect us from the loss of Love kills the Love we have wanted to control.
We are afraid that people love us for something and they leave us when we don’t meet their expectations. In fact the Love – in a shape of their self-Love – demands to defend themselves from untruth; which means that we can’t keep Love alive separating it from Truth, that every untruth we identify with makes us experience what we want to avoid by all costs – by the cost of Truth. We’re used to saying that Truth hurts, but what really hurts is not the Truth itself, it is the feeling that we don’t deserve the Truth, that we got deceived, fooled, used, treated like a thing – like a pawn in a game.
For most of us food is a standard – where it becomes a luxury, life turns into survival. Same is about the Truth – when it is a standard, we find happiness, when it is a luxury, our life becomes an endless emotional fight.
Everyone has a channel for Love – a gift to express the Truth in some unique way; something that helps others connect to the common source. It is something we easily fall in love with – like all kinds of beauty, all forms of art, anything we recognize as special and perfect, everything that awakes our spirit. Joining the Truth that feels like our own, we usually identify the channel it is expressed through with the person – yet it not always works this way. Certainly there are people who treat their gifts as a bolder way to express themselves – as they do in their lives with everything else. However many people treat their gifts as a way to fool others for the image, appreciation, fame, career, or just as a way to earn money – without identifying with it; they use the gifts not to express their Truth and stand for it, but for other goals – for the goals of their ego.
Either way, experiencing the uniqueness of someone’s channel for Love we make a false generalization, falling in love with the person. When it occurs that the inner beauty is not adequate to the outer beauty that captured us, when we discover that actors playing good characters so believably or artists expressing their feelings so profoundly don’t identify with the truth, but with the effect, we feel like fools – as if someone spitted to our soup – and we tend to reject the person with their gift as untrue, because we can’t feel the Love anymore, we just feel duped – and we lose a source of good energy, a connection to Love. Something that was meant to express Love awakes negative emotions, what was meant to connect separates, what was a shape of Truth becomes untruth; something that was meant to support us lets us down.
The gifts are never false, but the way we use them creates a ripple effect of Truth or untruth, it depends on the intention we act from. What we identify with, we materialize – our fear creates pictures that gratify the ego, our Love creates feelings that make us happy.
What we can see depends on where we look from. When we are just observers, we see from outside and we see others’ behavior like we see things: we analyze, we isolate similarities, we notice reruns, we guess consequences – we just recognize mechanisms that rule someone’s actions. When we get involved, we get inside and our point of view changes: we understand, we see the personality, the intentions, we get access to the other person’s soul – we recognize the potential, the Love that is hidden behind someone’s behavior.
It is not that one of those perspectives is right and the other is wrong. The problem is we use one of them – either we judge by behavior denying the intentions or we blindly support the potential denying patterns that block using that potential. To see truly and clearly we need to use both eyes, we need to see someone’s Love and someone’s fear that wastes the Love, because only if we see the Truth as it really is we are able to react properly to support others’ Love and help them conquer their fears. Yet it demands that we are able to use each eye the same way, it demands perfect balance between the logical mind and the emotional heart, between seeing the conditioning and its consequences and keeping faith in Love. This delicate balance is not possible until we keep some business of the ego, until we have relationships with others as deals, to trade something for something. The fear managing that makes us partially blind, makes us one-eyed. Looking with one eye at the time means we can’t see the other person completely, it makes us want to sacrifice everything for them or kill them, alternately. Using one eye puts us on the extrema and makes our behavior unpredictable, inconsistent and unstable, brings as much joy as pain to our life; using both eyes makes us firm, true, bold and free-spirited, makes us the Truth and the Love themselves.
The Truth is always in between and it has two eyes – we all are a mix of Love and fear; the more we are able to see that within ourselves, the more we are able to see others as they really are and to react to their behavior adequately which means saying yes to their Love and saying no to their fear, not bending the Truth to reach own ego’s goals.
As cliché as it sounds, it’s true. The only body part you should listen to in terms of happiness is your heart. The only thing you can do to be happy is to listen to the voice from within.
It’s good to use your brain and be smart about everything you do. It’s good to think about stuff instead of diving in head first. But in terms of your emotions, your brain is completely irrelevant, because it works on logic. It will simplify everything, depriving the situation of its actual complexity. It will overthink and overanalyze everything, trying to make sense of emotions that often appear incoherent to it. It will try to put every single thing in boxes, because that’s how we think – we divide the world, label it and put it away in appropriate boxes. It has to work that way – it used to be absolutely vital when we had to recognise and categorise food or danger, but when it comes to emotions, it’s never as simple as it seems. Your feelings won’t be satisfied with a simplistic and logical approach.
If you listen to your body, you do what animals do – and so you become like an animal. You will depreciate your feelings, clinging only to things that are physical, like food. You will become too shallow, too materialistic to recognise your emotions and will likely try to fill the gap with sweets, clothes, objects or attractive people. To substitute Love you will follow lust, but Love can never be replaced, so you will only end up feeling more and more empty and, accordingly, crave more and more for still more expensive or attractive things, entering a vicious cycle.
It’s so simple, yet so many people still play this priceless advice down. They get lost chasing after things or trying to make sense of their feelings by thinking, both of which slowly drive them insane. The only way you can really feel good is by listening to what you feel inside and following your emotions, because in reality, nothing else matters. Everything in life is temporary – with the exception of Love.